Distantly Dauntless
by tillyfizz444
Summary: Lynn reflects on the promise she made with Marlene to spend the night they became members together. One-sided Marlynn one shot. Mentions of Marlene x Uriah
I push through the crowds milling in the Pit, clutching bottles of something bitter and catch snatches of rowdy, drunken chatter. The rush of elation I felt at becoming an official Member, of getting to stay Dauntless forever, is gone. It went as soon as the drinks started flowing, as soon as I realised I barely recognised the faces around me. Older members. Toasting us. Any excuse to get drunk.

We promised. We promised, our whole lives. Stay in Dauntless, become members, and stay _together._ Yet my can of unidentifiable beer is long finished and she's nowhere to be seen. I move through the Pit and start scanning for her, moving through the racous crowd, ducking low to avoid anyone who possibly, vaguely recognises me. I'm not in the mood to be congratulated.

'Hey sweetheart! Nice ass!' A guy shouts from somewhere to my left. A girl's shriek follows. 'She does not!'

Three boys, maybe a little younger than I am, are throwing firecrackers into the Chasm, watching them fizzle out as they hit the water, and lighting sparklers on the pavement right in front of me.

I'm skirting past them when i feel an arm wrap round my neck. I spin around, thinking _fuck,_ and it's her, finally, I haven't seen her in hours, not since the announcement was made that we'd made it in. She's laughing, her crazy, flirtatious, grinning laugh, and immediately I can tell she's very drunk.

'We did it!' she cries, flinging her arms around my neck, and I remember what we promised all those years ago, that we'd celebrate, the two of us, at the end of initation, that we'd always be best friends.

Mar always said she wanted to die zip lining.

'Where'd you go?' I say, scanning for Uriah. He must be close by. The three muskateers, all members. Second, third and fourth. He wouldn't miss a second of the party.

'I had a thing' she says vaguely. She's changed out of the outfit she went through her final fear landscape in, and is wearing a tight, strapless black top and super tight leather trousers that make her legs go on for ever. The only tattoo she has, a quote on her left shoulder, is visible, and in that moment she looks so gorgeous it's almost heart stopping.

She passes me a flask from her back pocket. 'Have some, Lynny. You look like you need it'.

'What is it?' I un-cap the bottle and take an experimental swig. It burns.

'Go on', she says, nudging me with an elbow. 'We became members today! And it doesn't taste _that_ bad when you get used to it'

'Did Uriah steal this from his dad's drinks cabinet again?' I crack a smile. The alcohol has left a fuzzy feeling in my throat, like a giggle waiting to erupt.

'Something like that.' Mar breaks into a wide grin.

'Wanna come watch the fireworks from the Pire?' She says. 'it's the best view. And Zeke bought like' - she lowers her voice - 'a _ton_ of pot.'

'I'll be there soon' I say. Suddenly i'm angry - really angry - in a way I have been at Mar a lot recently. Tonight was meant to be our night, she as good as promised. And yet again, she's blowing me off to smoke pot with the older Dauntless. No doubt my sister Shauna will be there.

'Come now' she says. 'Or you'll never find us'

'Soon' I say again. 'I promise'.

Another promise between us that will be broken tonight.

She shrugs and starts skipping backwards down the path. 'Up to you' she says, and raises the flask high. 'Happy initiation is over party!'

I raise my empty can and watch until she's merged into a black shadow with the rest of the crowd. Then I take a shortcut, bringing me out to the relative quiet of the dormitory corridoor. Here I can think. Think about all the times in the last year i've pushed Mar away to try and hide my feelings for her. Pushed her closer to the loser crowd (yes, including Shauna) that she hangs out with now. Yet now i'm seeing that I never stopped caring for her even through all that. All the times I tried to save her, to keep her safe, lied to her parents for her, scoured the dorm and her room for baggies full of white powder, confiscated weed and then, relenting, gave it back when she hugged me and looked up at me with her big, pleading brown eyes framed by impossibly long silky lashes, the times I found her passed out at parties and took her home, while she reeked of vodka, the notes I forged for her excusing her from gym class, so she wouldn't get in trouble for cutting, all the bargains I made with a God i don't even believe in when she went out joyriding, drunk and high, with Zeke and Uriah, _if Mar gets home safe, I promise I won't self-harm for a week. So long as nothing bad happens to Marlene, i'll never ask for anything again. I swear God, please, just as long as she's okay._

How stupid I was to think Marlene would stick to our promise tonight, that she'd be pulled back to my side like glue the way we were just a short year ago, that she'd love me back the way I loved her, she'd realise. She's probably at the top of the Hancock building or something, drunk and happy or happy and high, letting Uriah slip his hand between her legs.

I don't know what makes me call her. Maybe a simple desire to hear her voice? Because I'm mad? No, not that either, i'm too tired to be angry. Because I want to know whether she simply forgot about sticking together, whether even now when she's probably sitting on Uriah's lap, tipsy, and he has one arm around her and his lips between her shoulder blades, she's realised I'm pissed off?

Maybe.

She told me she loved me back. It was once, and it was while she was off her head, being dragged back to her room, while I shushed her.

I've seen her, happy, carefree, Marlene in her most vulnerable state. That's why I can't stop caring, despite the fact being the party girl everybody loves has become her whole life.

The phone clicks into voicemail, and I hang up.

Eventually, I crawl into bed.

When I wake up, I've lost all control over my own body.


End file.
